Wholebeing Updates

I spent about an hour this afternoon with a good friend at our local coffee hangout, Downtown Subscription, here in Santa Fe.  The topic of our conversation was, as usual, the election.  What went wrong and how.  Who was to blame, if anyone.  How to “fix it.”  As we talked in low, even tones, I could hear the anger and frustration behind our words.  Even though we spoke of healing and reconciliation, we were still furious with the rigid stance of the patriarchy, the ongoing misogeny, racism, bigotry, gross dishonesty, and just plain greed— in this country and in the world.  We were painfully aware of the extent of the divide between different groups of America’s people– and even more painfully aware of how we ourselves have contributed to widening that gap.  “Given all this,” I asked, “how can we really come together?”  “I don’t know,” she replied.  And indeed, we don’t know.  “But we have to try,” I added.  She agreed, and we planned to meet again soon.

Later, though, I remembered that when everything falls apart, it’s usually because something else is coming into being.  What this will be is unknown.  Perhaps it’s something this society, this planet, has not yet experienced.  We hope it will be good, benevolent– that at minimum it will cause no more pain– that it will acknowledge the deep wounds of the millennia and somehow begin to heal them.  But if we are truly honest with ourselves, we are also exquisitely aware that it will be what we create, through our thoughts and the actions that follow them.

Charles Eisenstein speaks to this most poignant of moments in human history in his essay The Election:  Of Hate, Grief, and a New Story.

If we are to heal, this is what we must continue to remember:  we really are what we think.

Like many of you out there, I was stunned by the results of Tuesday’s election.  I am old enough to remember WWII and the face of a man very much like Mr. Trump, a man who also ranted and raved and eventually came up with a “final solution” to his own bigoted, violent, psychotic misperceptions of those unlike him.

Being very much human and a “damned liberal” from early childhood, I have bounced back and forth between anger and fear, pausing only for short breaths at confusion and entropy.  What do we do now?

So I was greatly moved by this post from Avaaz, which I read this morning.  I hope it will help you as it has helped me.

Sometimes in the darkest moments the brightest lights shine. Let’s make Trump a force that brings the world together, to fight for everything we love. With hope, Ricken, Alice, Emma, Christoph and the whole Avaaz team. PS – Here’s a letter with some more thoughts on the moment we’re in, and the plan going forward: We wanted to write from the heart about what just happened in the US, and what’s happening around the world. The shock is justified – the most powerful nation in the world will be led by a breathtakingly ignorant, bigoted, violent, pathologically lying, sexually predatory, vengeful, authoritarian, corrupt reality TV star. Those aren’t insults, they’re facts. How is democracy coming to this? How do we deal with it? We want to offer 5 points: Acceptance – we can’t wisely change anything about the world or ourselves if we don’t first accept it. So take a deep breath, and let’s face it. President Trump. And Trumpism striving for power in many of our countries. Holistic Evaluation – I can’t find a better phrase for this idea, but our brains have a deep negativity bias. We are easily overwhelmed by fearful focus on the negative, and we make awful judgments when we are. This is how demagogues rise. We can’t let it happen to us. So looking at the situation holistically, here’s some reassuring points: He’s not all-powerful – The US President faces many checks and balances from Congress, the constitution, the courts, his own party, and foreign leaders. He was recently a liberal! – Trump is dangerous, but not a maniac. He has praised Hillary Clinton and donated to her campaigns and many of his positions are more reasonable when you scrutinize them. “Building a wall” is just saying he will physically police the US border. It’s distasteful, but not crazy. Much of his party opposed him because he wasn’t conservative enough! He’s tapped into legitimate concerns – Trump’s supporters are not simply a racist ignorant mob. Polls show at least half are people who are well aware of his faults but are desperate for change, hate Hillary Clinton, and are willing to gamble on him. The “people” are not with him – Trump lost the popular vote in the election (he just won through the US’s quirky ‘electoral college’ system). So don’t think this was a landslide. Focused Alarm – now that acceptance and holistic evaluation ensure we’re not freaking out unproductively, let’s focus our concern where it most needs to be: Climate Change– Trump says it’s a hoax and wants to tear up the Paris climate agreement. Climate Change threatens our species and we’re running out of time – but IF we can make sure that world leaders don’t slow down, but speed up, the US alone can’t destroy us. The rest of the world will drive a clean energy revolution that will make renewable energy much cheaper than fossil fuels – the US will be forced to switch by simple economics. Fascism – we just don’t know what kind of leader Trump is. Is he a Berlusconi, the Trump-like Italian billionaire Prime Minister who was outrageously corrupt and ridiculous but not a fascist? Or is he a Mussolini? We will have to watch like hawks and respond fast to the tell-tale signs of eroding the rule of law, rigging the electoral system, intimidating the media, or promoting hatred of some minorities. Terrorism and War – Trump’s instincts in the campaign were to call for things like murdering the families of suspected terrorists and introducing widespread torture. This direction is a gift to ISIS and will fuel the global conflict with militant Islam. His ideas are mostly illegal, but we’ll have to watch closely and push back hard – domestically and through US allies – if this erratic man-child uses the US military brutally. It’s the Media Stupid – Despite ALL evidence to the contrary, the American public overwhelmingly sees Hillary Clinton as MORE dishonest and corrupt than Donald Trump. This, by itself, is the reason why Trump is president. And it’s the media’s fault. US network news devoted more time to coverage of Clinton’s totally BS email scandal than TO ALL POLICY ISSUES COMBINED. One the one side, we have ruthlessly sophisticated partisan propaganda media pushing Trump, and on the other an ‘impartial’ media that chases fake scandals and ratings and suggests false equivalence between the sides in the name of appearing balanced. This is the dynamic that gave us Brexit as well. We desperately need a smarter media. Very few organizations campaign on this, and Avaaz needs to. This is a HUGE opportunity, let’s rise to it – change doesn’t happen in a steady, linear way. We human beings learn best from crisis and calamity. Our brightest lights emerge from our deepest darknesses. World War II gave us human rights and the United Nations. And the darknesses of Trumpism could help us build the most inspiring movement for human unity and progress the world has EVER seen, to not only beat back the Trumps in each of our countries, but to do so with a new, people-centered, high-integrity, inspiring politics that brings massive improvement to the status quo. Let’s get to work on it :). With hope, and apologies for the long memo, Ricken and the Avaaz team.

Avaaz is a 44-million-person global campaign network that works to ensure that the views and values of the world’s people shape global decision-making. (“Avaaz” means “voice” or “song” in many languages.) Avaaz members live in every nation of the world; our team is spread across 18 countries on 6 continents and operates in 17 languages. Learn about some of Avaaz’s biggest campaigns here, or follow us on Facebook or Twitter.

To ensure that Avaaz messages reach your inbox, please add avaaz@avaaz.org to your address book. To change your email address, language settings, or other personal information, contact us, or simply go here to unsubscribe.

To contact Avaaz, please do not reply to this email. Instead, write to us at www.avaaz.org/en/contact or call us at +1-888-922-8229(US).

The past many months and weeks have been full ones.  As any gardener knows, it’s a lot of work to create and maintain a garden, and lately gardening has been a central theme in my life.  My actual garden included expanding our backyard patio, digging new beds and filling containers for flowers, veggies, and herbs, and creating a fountain.  In deeper ways expanding the focus of our nonprofit, Orenda Healing International, has been the overriding theme, and we celebrated with the launch of our online publication, Four Winds Journal, in mid October.

All this is good!  But the other day I realized that I was feeling totally drained and didn’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone, or do anything.  Add to that the current political debacle and it’s easy to understand why someone might feel that way.

However, there are underlying reasons for burnout as well, and reading Lena Stevens’ November update, I suddenly saw how holding on to  disappointment and resentment have added to the mix.

The theme for the month of November is forgiveness.  Letting go.  Releasing what has held us back, kept us down, and drained our energy for days, weeks, months– even years.  Heaven knows there’s a lot to forgive– in ourselves, in others, and in what we see happening in this country and in the world at large.  But once upon a time, not so very long ago, I discovered that forgiveness in its true sense was the key to healing and the one action that literally saved my life.

And what is “its true sense?”  Very simply, it’s understanding that each of us, whoever we are and whatever we do — no matter how it looks– is probably doing the best that we can in that moment.  We are human and therefore fallible.  We are also divine and continue to aspire to real reconnection with Spirit.  Relaxing vigilance, forgiving that which hasn’t worked and isn’t working, embracing beauty and gratitude– these are stepping stones on that path.

 

 

Many years ago, when my older daughter was about 4, she made the mistake of trying to hold the family cat above her head to protect Kitty from the neighbor’s dog.  The cat became frantic and scratched her head.  Krystal came running into the house crying, blood streaming down her face.  For a moment I almost fainted.  “Dear God!  It’s scratched her eyes out!” was my first thought.  The second one was “Wait.  You have to see how bad it is before you can help her.”  I calmed us both down and applied a wet washcloth to her face, only to discover that there were superficial scratches at her hairline– nothing more serious than that– and that head wounds bleed a lot.  A simple event, really– yet it provided a lesson that has stood me in good stead throughout my life:  We can’t heal what we won’t see.

Shift Network founder Stephen Dinan approaches the current American political debacle with a similar message in his article, Bonfire of the Patriarchy.  Truly, this is a time of seeing– everything dark, everything dishonest and manipulative, everything that is less than the best in ourselves, in our country, and in our world is emerging from the shadows to be seen and healed.  It will take courage to look at the Dark Side, trust in our ability to deal with the wounds we find there, and faith that we’ll receive the help we need to do so.  Just as it was with my little daughter and her scratched forehead, so it is with us.  We must be brave enough to look and accept what we see.  Then, and only then, can true healing begin.

photo credit: hanspartes Little black panther via photopin (license)

The higher they climb, the farther they fall…

How often have we heard this sage comment?  And how many times have we seen it in the lives and actions of others?  Especially in today’s volatile political arena.  But do we ever think of it in relationship to ourselves?

Dr. Saira Sabzaali’s insightful commentary on the danger of the pedestal provides tips on how to fall off gracefully and put yourself back together again in a new and more authentic way.

As the “good girl,” the “golden child” in my own family, I have been through this humpty-dumpty experience many times.  For some of us the fatal attraction to pedestals is a lifelong thing– since even when you’re trying to avoid them yourself, other people (used to looking up instead of looking inward) put you there.  So I’ve been “pedestaled” as a daughter, big sister, good student, girlfriend, wife, divorcee, mother (and single mom), employee, community activist, teacher, and even therapist.

This last is the most dangerous of all– because clients automatically tend to look to their counselor or therapist as someone who can magically make all the bad feelings disappear.  Unfortunately, even when we sincerely believe we can help someone in dire straits — or  (heaven forbid!) “save” someone–  we’ve climbed right back up on that pedestal and are teetering on the edge, in danger of falling and breaking not only ourselves but the client who’s depending on us to pull her out of the tar pit, clean her up, and send her on her merry way.

After the first few decades of the humpty-dumpty experience I began to wise up, and now I tell clients that I’ll do my best, but I warn them not to expect perfection– in me or in themselves– because perfection isn’t possible for any human being.  It’s a relief to acknowledge this simple truth.  It keeps us honest.  And I think perhaps it helps our clients more to see that we too are fallible people who’ve learned what we share the hard way, rather than to look up to us as exalted creatures who have somehow managed to escape the pain and disappointments of everyday life.   We’re all in this together, after all.

 

 

 

I hope you will take to heart this interesting and timely article on how to educate your children and young adults about rape culture.

Unfortunately too many parents shy away– not only from “the talk” but also (and perhaps even more importantly in these challenging times) calling non-consensual sexual activity, whether perpetrated by or against someone of any gender, what it actually is:  Rape.

 

 

 

As if things couldn’t get any wilder, on June 20 we will have an astrological event  of monumental proportions!  This happens only once in 30 years.  Where were you 30 years ago?  What was going on in your life back then?

As I remember,  I was living in Elk, a tiny village on California’s North Coast–in the midst of a healing crisis that changed my life.  But my healing is not the topic of this post.  What’s up for you, on the other hand, is.

We’ve all read about Stanford’s shocking cover-up of sexual predation on campus, and the world is collectively mourning the unconscionable targeting and massacre of over 50 people in Orlando.  No need to mention the crazy-making US political situation, or the intensification of threatening international incidents.  But you’d be stunned to learn how many people I’ve talked with in the last few days alone who are experiencing chaotic events in their own lives– the death or sudden departure of friends or family members, loss of employment, geographical relocation, frightening health crises– you name it, it’s coming down!

So apart from the fact that this proves we really aren’t alone after all, and regardless of our own upsurging issues, it indicates that something big is taking place– a series of cosmic-scale events– that must necessarily affect all of the inhabitants of this little blue planet.  Somewhere I read “The stars impel– they do not compel.”  (Small comfort for those of us whose stars are directly and immediately impacted by these powerful alignments!)  But actually, while we may not be able to choose what happens to us we can definitely choose how we deal with it.

I’ve found that it helps to try to surrender and go with the flow–kind of like body surfing, when you see that big wave coming at you, best to duck your head and dive right into it.  It can be scary at first, until you learn the ocean isn’t really out to drown you, and you can relax enough, like the young heroine of Whale Rider , to begin to enjoy not only the beauty of the world underwater but the thrill of discovering you’re far more capable,  far more powerful, than you or anyone else ever imagined.

It’s June 16 and Fire Season is in full swing!   Some wildfires are caused by lightning strikes, some by careless humans, and some, started by forest and fire management teams, are “controlled burns.”  (It escapes me how a wildfire can be controlled in hot, dry, windy weather– but I am thankfully not a fire fighter.)

Fortunately the 16-odd wildfires currently burning in New Mexico and Arizona are  grassland and forest understory (the brush, pine cones, and debris beneath taller trees), rather than burning buildings and toxic substances, so the smoke is mostly “clean.”  But clean or not, smoke is no joke.

However, you can protect your health and that of your family members and pets by following the 5-3-1 Mile Rule.   When in doubt, stay inside!

Another important point is to be aware of the tendency of fire in  Urban/Wildland Interface areas to defeat all efforts at containment and destroy entire neighborhoods.  In 2009 this happened  to several urban California communities.

A homeowner needs to be sure that there is a substantial weed-, brush-, and tinder-free space around all houses and outbuildings.  In many states this is mandated by law and the amount of space is clearly defined.

Conifers are especially dangerous because when on fire, the resin inside the tree ignites and explodes, causing the burning conifer to hurl fireballs surprisingly great distances, thus igniting surrounding trees and homes.  (Not that I’m going to cut down my two back yard junipers, but I am careful to rake up all the dead grasses and fallen twigs and branches from beneath them, and water the area regularly to keep it from becoming too dry.)

Whether the wildfire is far away or close to home, it’s sensible to keep updated on its progress.  Remember, fire is one of those elements with potential for great good and great harm.  It demands our respect!

(Thanks to J.G. Pausas for the riveting photo!)

There are no words to express the sadness that we feel for those in Orlando whose hopeful, bright lives were so brutally cut short, and for their loved ones, whose loss is too great to bear.

It is said that anger and hatred are really masks for fear.  Perhaps this is true– certainly in these troubled times there are people who believe there is much to fear, and some argue for excusing the vicious behavior of fearful people.  Based on that belief, a case could be made not just for individuals but for the violent behavior of organizations and even entire countries.

But to paraphrase the words of Chief Dan George:

We fear what we do not understand.  We hate what we fear.  And what we hate, we destroy.

So let us try our utmost to understand others– especially those who are different from ourselves.  Let us not fear the difference.  And when we encounter the cruelty of those who do fear difference, let us remember that behind every angry, hurtful mask is a spirit struggling to break free from the darkness of delusion and return home to the Peace in the Heart.

 

The recent report released yesterday by Stanford student Brock Turner’s  victim has stirred up a storm of controversy about the perils of privilege and much more.  Sadly, Brock Turner’s assumption of privilege is not the disease  under discussion.  It is the symptom of something much deeper.

Growing up in the 50s and 60s, when an incident like this one occurred, I often heard the comment “She deserved it– look how she dresses, the slut!”  Those commenting were not only the young men at fault but their parents, other family members, and adult friends as well.  Another favorite was “Boys will be boys!”  That’s fine, but then what are girls?  Their play toys?

There have been cultures where women, and a woman’s role as procreatix  and nurturer of the young, were honored.  Those cultures still exist– most notably in Native American communities.  I still remember Charlotte Black Elk’s visit to students at John F. Kennedy University, back in the 80s.  At one point in her presentation she showed us a long knife in a beautiful scabbard.  We asked what it was for.  She said (I’m paraphrasing) “This is a marriage knife.  Every young bride is given one when she marries.  Our people believe that if a man doesn’t honor his woman, if he abuses her in any way, he doesn’t deserve to live.  This knife is for cleansing the planet of men like that.”  Those of us who’d been divorced muttered with grim humor that  we wished we’d known about the marriage knife earlier, and I was one of them.  But I never forgot Charlotte’s statement– so matter of fact, so calmly made, as if it were the most normal thing in the world to cleanse the planet of undesirable people.  And as time passed and more horrible things happened to women much younger than I, I began to investigate the reasons why.  Here are some of them, and we are all, not only the people in places like Brock Turner’s hometown, responsible.

Ours is a culture of conquerors. Patriarchal from its inception, Western civilization has survived  through warfare, exploitation, and rape.  The societies that were subsumed were largely peaceful ones– they didn’t know what hit them.  What happened to native people on this continent alone  is a case in point.  They couldn’t believe that other humans could be so dishonorable, so cruel.  They were the perfect victims.

Such a society as ours accepts violence as a matter of fact.  We may not teach it openly, but it is part of every child’s training–through playground bullying, peer pressure, and now the scintillating allure of the media and video games that actually extol killing.  Boys are particularly vulnerable to this because our young men are taught that competition, being the first with the most, is the only way to survive in our culture.  As a result not only are we engaging in appalling acts of violence at home, we are attempting to control the rest of the world with the same tactics.

Because this is the American MO, because we are a nation of individualists, because collaboration and community (meaning people look out for each other) are so low on our list of priorities, it’s easy for adults confronted with their offsprings’ shocking behavior to excuse it– and in far too many cases to condone it.  Perhaps they believe it’s for the best– after all, what about the boy’s future?  And  the girl probably asked for it one way or another.  Why did she drink so much anyway?  Why did she take that drug?

But the question we have to ask ourselves– parents, grandparents, educators, clergy– we who are (theoretically at least) in charge of the moral development of the young– the question we have to ask ourselves is “How can I best serve this child?  What will, in the long run, be more helpful to him?  Let him go scot free and excuse his wrong behavior or teach him that this is unacceptable in a truly civilized society?”  And the next question we must ask is “When should I start this teaching?”

The answer is pretty clear.  Right away.  The first time a child acts out, whether with his parents, his teachers, or his playmates, is the time to begin.  It needn’t be brutal or harsh.  Simply make it clear that bad behavior is not accepted and if he needs convincing, apply a reasonable and appropriate form of punishment– “OK, when you do this then that happens.  When you hit your buddy in the head with the sand shovel, I take it away.  It’s not OK to hurt your buddy, and besides it’s a lot more fun to share.”

Until we teach caring and compassion our children will continue to run afoul of the permissive attitudes our society has put in place.  Until we teach that privilege is something one earns through responsible action, not something one is born with to use as one wishes, our children will overstep the boundaries of acceptable behavior.

Yes, Brock Turner was terribly wrong to do what he did.  But his parents and the other adults in his community did something much worse.  Not only did they fail to teach him his true responsibility as a fellow being in a world with other beings, they have excused his inexcusable behavior.